Tuesday, April 5, 2016
We said goodbye
I lost my best friend on January 14, 2016 at around 3 pm EST. Bodhi was first diagnosed with equine multi-nodular pulmonary fibrosis in November 2015. We managed his symptoms and pain well in December, but the new year brought a secondary infection, and rapid deterioration. The last week was the worst, trying everything to make him comfortable and to bring back his appetite. We thought if we could just beat the infection we could give him a few more months. More diagnostic tests however revealed that the lesions had spread far quicker then we had anticipated. He just did not have any more healthy lung tissue left.
Everyone I know has lost a horse they loved suddenly to colic or an accident, but I really hope that I never encounter EMPF again. It is an exceptionally awful disease.
I wish I had told more of his story before it was over. We have done so much I never shared: hunter paces, obstacle clinics, crazy trail rides, and dressage shows. He learned to do his Spanish walk under saddle, and his own version of downward facing dog. I always thought I had more time to pick up on this blog, that I had more of our journey to document.
I have been really struggling with his loss. I know he was special to me because I have had him since he was two, he was the first horse I started and trained on my own, and he has been with me though several life changes (marriage, graduate school, 4 moves, 4 jobs). He was more than that though. He was my buoy. He has kept me afloat though several recent traumas in my life. He is one of the reasons I am even still alive. It is hard getting up knowing he is not there to greet me, and it is painful every time my mind wanders to him (as it does every 5 seconds) and to have the repeated realization that he no longer exists. I know I have my memories, but right now they are of little comfort.
I have a garden, a husband, 2 dogs, and now 3 horses (long story) to tend to, so I have to get up-- I am just not too thrilled about it. I am hoping blogging again will re-kindle my love for horses and training. I am going to try to write regularly again if not here then somewhere.